#literally i ate so much today
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thatfizzyyyy Ā· 10 months ago
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eating is such a coping mechanism for me
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solidaritygaming-fanblog Ā· 5 days ago
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crazy how I'll spend all week confident that Jimmy's gonna do great and then have whole ass anxiety attacks on Tuesday and Friday... if he dies I'm actually going to crash out. You will not hear from for 2-3 business days I swear. I'm shaking rn
In other news my dad got me my favorite kind of bread!!!! Very happy about the carbs (my body has been begging for them all day) and taking lil bites and focusing on my breathing.
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deus-ex-mona Ā· 3 months ago
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i miss herā€¦
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soonā„¢ļø#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ā€˜ere and since itā€™s still äøƒęœˆā€¦ todayā€™s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? thereā€™s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ā€˜are ghosts real?ā€™#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean iā€™ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my familyā€™s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasnā€™t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) heā€™d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost whoā€™d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#heā€™d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didnā€™t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑åؘ (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc itā€™d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. ā€‹how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways itā€™s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it butā€”#and so thatā€™s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this äøƒęœˆ thoughā€¦#b u t !!!!! tomorrowā€™s date on the lunar calendar says itā€™s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! soā€¦ maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream monaā€™s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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powerfought Ā· 7 months ago
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you ever just look at yourself and ask ... why cant you communicate like a normal human being
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wolfbane-blooms Ā· 7 months ago
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I love wikipedia so much, how incredible to live in a time with such easy access to so much information it devastates me that there is so much I will never know
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amtrak12 Ā· 9 months ago
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The idea that a god-like character with (supposedly) unlimited powers should snap their fingers at the end of a TV series and remove all pain and terrible things in the world so humans no longer had any suffering is the most BAFFLING thing I have ever heard. WHY DID THE SHOW EVER EXIST IF FIXING THINGS WAS THAT EASY??????
#It seems like this 'gotcha' card that overrides any argument someone could have#but it's actually the laziest zero thought behind it belief I have ever seen#And it complete ignores the function and structure of a story#Holy shit#Like... that's literally Adam and Eve before Eve ate the apple#That kind of utopia is literally in the Bible and in general is considered bad#It was certainly painted as bad in the show! Because Eve gave us free will and choice and the opportunity to self-determine who we are#And that's good! That's considered better than the Garden of Eden!#And yes choices have led to the godawful structures in place on Earth today and all the godawful death and suffering that goes with it#BUT THIS STUPID LITTLE TV SHOW ABOUT THE DEVIL WASN'T SPEAKING ABOUT ALL THE EVILS IN THE WORLD!!!#It was talking about how you always have a choice to do better! That everyone can be redeemed!#It's a much MUCH narrower scope because that's what story does! It picks one thing and speaks to it#And sometimes that thing is indeed Wow modern capitalism has completely fucked the world like The Good Place showed#But even The Good Place didn't use the Judge to snap her fingers and change Earth#She could have! She certainly had the power too!#But no instead they argued against wiping out the entire Earth and starting over in favor of revamping the afterlife instead#to allow people a second chance and support to do better#Which is EXACTLY where Lucifer ended up too with the titular character playing therapist in Hell#That is a strong ending! That is a hopeful ending! Because it's speaking to the audience as individuals and saying you have a choice#You always have a choice to do better. No mistake you make is too irredeemable so don't let yourself drown guilt#because guilt fixes nothing. Only your choice to try again can change things#God snapping their fingers and rewriting Earth is not a hopeful; realistic; or satisfying ending to a 6 season show about free will!#It makes no sense!#like jfc I don't want to drag one singular person through the mud but their opinions are just so mind-boggingly to me#It's like beating my head against the wall
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125storejuice Ā· 3 months ago
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felixisfruity Ā· 3 months ago
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dude my family has GOT to acknowledge their problems. if you get into an argument and then pretend it never happened itā€˜s not making SHIT better. im so sick of this
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nomairuins Ā· 4 months ago
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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running-in-the-dark Ā· 1 year ago
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I fucking hate it when I'm super motivated to get things done, I really want to do it, I'm excited to do it!
- but I have no energy to get up off the couch. I'm so tired. I can't move. I just want to sleep.
I got up 1two hours ago. why am I this tired, it's not fair šŸ˜­
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bitchapalooza Ā· 5 months ago
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Shoutout to 12/13 year old me to when you were given permission to buy whatever snack you wanted at the school ball game concessions stand. You didnā€™t know your friendsā€™ mom was highly allergic to peanuts, they said nothing as they stood there watching you order the cup of boiled peanuts. You did not know and did not deserve to be yelled at nor glared at by a grown woman who should not have yelled or glared at you for a mistake no one warned you about. It was not your fault. And plus nothing bad happened, you kept your distance as asked of you and washed your hands and face throughly afterwards. You did nothing wrong.
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curiosity-killed Ā· 1 year ago
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I think one of the very stupid things about the human body is that you can feel SO SO hungry, genuinely probably need to consume as much food as your hunger suggests, AND you can still get partway thru eating and have your stomach go No Vacancy even tho u know you havenā€™t actually eaten enough
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autogeneity Ā· 11 months ago
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ever remember just how plain dreadful the majority of your life was, and you just gotta sit down blissfully for a while taking in how good it is now
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ereborne Ā· 6 months ago
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Song of the Day: May 29
ā€œEvil Like Meā€ by Kristin Chenoweth & Dove Cameron for Disney's Descendants OS
#song of the day#time is fake! sometimes I'm awake and it's logical to assume that sometimes I'm asleep! and the days must pass but do I ever know?? nope#fuck I spent all day thinking today was the last day of the month and then it turns out it's not even Thursday#sang 'Evil Like Me' with Duncan at the dinner table while I ate the cabbage and I made this cabbage after the work not-a-bbq so#almost definitely that was today!#I fell asleep standing up in the shower again but the drain has been draining very slowly so when I woke up there was water above my ankles#if I flood our house with the water from my shower while I am actively standing in it and I don't notice because it's the only time I sleep#I'm going to shrink myself down and move in with the mice colonizing our neighbor's boat trailer#the mice will never know my shame. Duncan will put cheese sandwiches out in the alley for us and it will be more than I deserve#this is a really good song. very fun lyrical nonsense and also very fun musically to sing. love the idea of Kristin Chenoweth Maleficent#'I have tried my whole life long / to do the worst I can / clawed my way to victory / built my master plan#now the time has come my dear / for you to take your place / promise me you'll try to be / an absolute disgrace'#Nick really doesn't like this song for some unspecified reason--we've asked but he just gets kind of mad? like it should be obvious?#I think maybe he thinks they're making fun of people who sing about like. doing crimes? being bad???????????????#like honestly what could be more punk she's literally Maleficent but go off I guess#I dunno but if I were going to be mad about a Descendants song that I occasionally roam the house over-selling#it wouldn't be a Broadway-star-supported certified banger like 'Evil Like Me'#it'd be goofyass 'Rotten to the Core' where I'm playing four parts simultaneously and pitching my voice up and down like a rollercoaster#love that fucking song it's so dumb and it's so much fun and I get to stomp on the chorus bits
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elytrafemme Ā· 1 year ago
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i love you world i love you friends i love you mutuals i love you friends here and friends there i love you i love you i love you
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n3ongold3n Ā· 7 months ago
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I'm so proud of my hostas surviving the winter and being so lush and beautiful šŸ˜­šŸ’š
And on a day like this let me also say (for myself because i tend to forget) i am proud of myself for making the backyard greener and more colourful than it used to be šŸ˜¤šŸŒ¾
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